A Better Place
by Wircedien
Summary: The Doctor is struggling with continuing after Journey's End, and he remembers a specific moment when a past companion asked him an odd question.


"But what does that mean, Doctor?"

"Well, it means that once you know, you know, but until you know, you can't know."

"So, you don't know."

"Exactly." He looked up from the TARDIS console.

"Aren't you curious, though? What if it's not bad. What if it's better. That's what people say, eh?"

"Uhm-hm. Maybe, but with my experience, the universe is never that eager to be kind." He returned to his tinkering.

Rose moved from the jump seat to watch what he was doing. "Then what d'you think happens? An endless oblivion? That seems like a pretty crappy ending."

"I told you: I don't know what happens when we die." He turned a knob and sparks surfaced followed by a burst of air that shot the Doctor and Rose back against the metal railing of the ship. "My people didn't obsess about death the way yours do. Most Timelords felt above it. They assumed that we would cure death before it got to be their turn to experience it. Of course, none of them ever did, cure death I mean, but by the time they were meant to die, they welcomed it. Timelords live too long." The Doctor slowly rose from the floor and began working on the TARDIS once more.

Rose remained seated on the grating. "My grandad used to say that life was just a right of passage, and whatever came next had to be more appealing. I'd like to think he had a point."

"Maybe he did."

The TARDIS hum was the only sound that maintained the Doctor's current sanity levels. He had gone from a fully piloted, seven passenger ship to an empty room. He knew he wouldn't be seeing much of anyone any time soon.

He felt himself drifting toward the ground but did nothing to stop it from happening. He laid with his head in his hands for an amount of time that his impaired brain couldn't measure. Images of those lost flickered through his mind. He saw Martha studying in the library, and Jack trying to sneak into Rose's room, and then Mickey also trying to sneak into Rose's room, and Donna yelling about him loosing her new hat. He even thought about Jackie giving him a good slap. His mind refused to stop. Finally, it came to a specific memory from his previous regeneration.

 _The TARDIS had been broken. She wouldn't open the doors or allow them access to the kitchen, so he was playing around with some controls when Rose came into the console room. Her clothes looked slept in, and her make-up was smeared slightly under her eyes; she'd just woken up._

" _Doctor?" She'd asked him plopping down on the jumpseat._

" _Yeah."_

" _Yesterday, you were talking about there being no God, and I can accept that. I kinda always figured, but does that mean that death is just death? No afterlife? Heaven? Hell? Nothing?"_

" _What a pleasant question! Are you okay?"_

" _Yeah. Just thinkin'"_

 _He shook his head. "Death isn't something for the living."_

" _But what does that mean, Doctor?"_

" _Well, it means that once you know, you know, but until you know, you can't know."_

" _So, you don't know."_

" _Exactly." He looked up from the TARDIS console._

" _Aren't you curious, though? What if it's not bad. What if it's better. That's what people say, eh?"_

" _Uhm-hm. Maybe, but with my experience, the universe is never that eager to be kind." He returned to his tinkering._

 _Rose moved from the jump seat to watch what he was doing. "Then what d'you think happens? An endless oblivion? That seems like a pretty crappy ending."_

" _I told you: I don't know what happens when we die." He turned a knob and sparks surfaced followed by a burst of air that shot the Doctor and Rose back against the metal railing of the ship. "My people didn't obsess about death the way yours do. Most Timelords felt above it. They assumed that they would cure death before it got to be their turn to experience it. Of course, none of them ever did, cure death I mean, but by the time they were meant to die, they welcomed it. Timelords live too long." The Doctor slowly rose from the floor and began working on the TARDIS once more._

 _Rose remained seated on the grating. "My grandad used to say that life was just a right of passage, and whatever came next had to be more appealing. I'd like to think he had a point."_

" _Maybe he did."_

" _Your people, Doctor. Maybe they're better off."_

" _Yeah. It doesn't get much worse than where they were. Even if there is nothing, they're better off."_

" _Not in a depressing way! I really think they are in a better place."_

The Doctor removed his hands from his head. He pulled himself to his feet. "As are you, Rose. As are you." He moved a lever and started off toward another great adventure that would bring him one step closer to his final peace.


End file.
